Ask Elisha - Why Do I Feel Lost, Unaligned & Unlike Me?
I’ve had these exact thoughts and feelings, (multiple times actually!) throughout my life, so I’m in prime position to answer this one …
This may sound a little left field however from my experience, these feelings bubble to the surface when your current life is not in alignment with your core values. So, use this as an opportunity to check in and re-assess what may have fallen out of your life.
Maybe your self-care has slipped when deep down you know that prioritising time for you is something you truly value?
Perhaps you're no longer setting strong healthy boundaries for yourself?
Maybe you've lost connection with friends & family when close relationships mean a lot you however life right now isn't reflective of that?!
So, ask yourself -
Is your life not in alignment with your core values and the things that mean the most to you?
It is so important when faced with any decision or opportunity to lead with your core values in mind. This ensures you live a purpose-led life which gives you that sense of alignment and fulfilment.
Here’s An Example -
Simon (my hubby) and I have very different core values.
Simon values money so he is happy to accept a job provided it pays well. This job may not have flexible working hours or give him the luxury to run a few errands during working hours, yet he is very happy to do it for the rest of his life and feel happy, fulfilled & content - all those good things.
One of my core values is freedom. If I was presented an opportunity to work for somebody else where the salary was enormous but the working hours weren't flexible, I couldn't work around my kids, I couldn't run errands or choose when to do the most important work based on when I feel energised and focused, I wouldn't accept it. If I took that job, within a few weeks (if that), I’d feel lost, unaligned and unlike me.
This is how important it is to make every decision based on your core values, whatever that means to you.
How do you determine what your core values are?
If you’ve not done an exercise like this before, like physical exercise, it can feel a bit overwhelming and confusing at first. Bare with me!
The best way to go about this is to ask yourself the following questions, then constantly ask yourself WHY. The constant why is key in getting to your root core value.
It’s not uncommon for people to think that money is one of their core values. So, ask yourself - why is money important to me? This questioning might bring up a stack of different reasons but let’s go with - I want to be able to travel as much as I can.
So, ask yourself - why do you want to travel as much as you can? To which you might say - because I love exploring and feeling that sense of adventure. It makes me feel alive.
As you can see, when you dig deeper and constantly question your WHY, you start to realise that money per se isn't your core value, adventure is. That sense of adventure is what you need in life to make you feel fulfilled, happy & satisfied and the good news is that you can achieve a sense of adventure with little to no money at all.
A few questions to get you started -
What is your favourite working experience and why? What about that experience made it a favourite for you?
Who is the most important person to you? What qualities do they have?
How do you like to spend your time and why? What exactly do you like doing?
If you could do anything at all right now, what would it be and why? Try and be as specific as you can.
What are the most important things to you right now and why? Is it buying a house? Travelling? Maybe a new hobby? Is it just being able to find the time for you to read a few pages of your favourite book?
Aim to find at least 3 main core values from your answers. You should see some reoccurring themes/ patterns or similar answers that could be filed under a potential core value. This will shine a spotlight on 3 core values that keep showing up for you.
After doing this exercise, you should have a better idea about some of the things you value which will help you re-assess your life right now to see what’s amiss. A lot of the time, it’s our job or our relationships that aren’t supportive of these values.
When your life does not reflect the things that mean the most to you, it’s easy to feel stuck. You question everything, find it hard to put your best self forward, you don’t attract the best relationships and you’re not as magnetic as you could be. To make matters worse, you begin to lack purpose which in my opinion is one of the most horrible feelings to sit with. When your life does reflect the things that mean the most to you, magic happens.
Have a question you’d like some help with? Please get in touch either here, by email (elisha@feelbelook.com) or DM me over on Insta @feelbelook.
Next month is all about procrastination and how to stop putting things off x