In Conversation With - Eleanor Pendleton, Founder & Publisher of Gritty Pretty.
In Conversation With is a series to discuss the bits often left unsaid - personal and intimate topics such as self-acceptance, relationship with mind & body and the societal pressures + unrealistic standards of life with the internet. Through this series, I hope you feel a little less alone and a whole lot inspired.
Eleanor Pendleton is wife to hubby Matt, Mum to beautiful little man Banjo, plus currently pregnant with bub number two. Professionally, she is my very own Business Mentor and the Founder of Gritty Pretty - Australia's go-to beauty website, including the first interactive online magazine dedicated to all things beauty. From us to you, we hope you enjoy this conversation.
EC. El, you are currently in the third trimester with your second bub. You spent the first 5 months chronically ill with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Honestly, how are you feeling? Has it eased off now?
EP. It's come back a little bit. I was never officially diagnosed with Hyperemesis however, I don't think you need a diagnosis to make you feel better or worse. I was quite unwell for the first 5 or 6 months, then managed 6 weeks of feeling good again and when I say good, I mean not physically vomiting. Now, it’s come back a bit but not too bad which just goes to show how different every pregnancy is.
EC. How have you dealt mentally with the physical challenges that come with HG? Is it a matter of surrendering (for want of a better word), because there are so many lotions & potions and things you can try but it really is so out of your control …
EP. In the first 3 - 4 months, my mental health took a huge impact. We hear about morning sickness but it isn't until you consider someone being physically sick every single day for 5 months (and unfortunately 9 months for some women), that you realise just how debilitating it can be.
You feel awful. There's no way to sugar-coat it. I definitely had periods where I thought I may have perinatal depression because I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't play with my son. I felt sick from the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to bed.
I had a previous full-term pregnancy and experienced no HG with my son. I felt all the usual feelings a woman might feel in her first trimester. Once that initial 12 week period came and went, I felt amazing. So this pregnancy, 12 weeks came and went and I didn't feel any better and then 14 weeks went by, 16 weeks, 18 weeks, 20 weeks … I just found myself thinking - when is this going to end?!
I think talking about it is the best thing anyone can do. A problem shared is a problem halved and I'm fortunate that I have many close girlfriends who are also pregnant, two of which went through a very similar experience as me. So we just confide in each other. We send each other texts every day feeling sorry for ourselves. I'm fortunate they both have children too, so they really understand that being pregnant with a toddler is very different also. So yeah, I’ve just leant on them and do all the things you have too. I eat a lot of toast and just do what I need to survive.
When it comes to my diet, I'm quite a healthy person. I love whole foods. I love salads, they make me so happy. So, to be eating toast and bread every single day, after a while, you start to feel lousy. I don’t put any guilt on myself though for the very carb-heavy diet, I just need to eat what I can to survive.
EC. We often underestimate the anxiety that comes with HG. You really do become a hermit for fear of leaving the house because it starts to feel all too consuming.
EP. I definitely found myself retreating. I went inward and was very quiet. All women have different triggers, but for me, it was the heater in the car. If I felt hot air on my face, I would vomit right away and I was pregnant during Winter.
I didn't talk to a lot of people (except those who were going through what I was going through). I remember saying to my husband -
“I'm so sick of myself. I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I'm sick of feeling sick.”
At the same time, it's been enlightening because I was that unicorn woman during my first pregnancy. I felt amazing up until the day I gave birth. I was doing Pilates 4 - 5 times a week and yoga 3 times a week. I mean, I had a lot more time but energetically, I had so much energy. I felt like I could run a marathon. I felt so good.
To experience a completely different pregnancy this time, has given me a greater appreciation for women. I think it's absolutely possible to not enjoy the physical changes of pregnancy but to be so grateful for your baby and I think that's a really important discussion that needs to be had more openly because you can love your unborn child and not enjoy it.
Since chatting to Eleanor, her and Matthew have welcomed baby girl, Rumi Woods.
EC. Speaking of physical changes and having now gone through multiple pregnancies, what’s your relationship like with your body. Has this changed?
EP. It's been a roller coaster. I had moments in postpartum (between my son and this pregnancy) where I would stare in the mirror and not recognise the person looking back. That would make me feel uncomfortable in this new version of me.
In saying that, I've experienced the highest of highs. I was very fortunate to breastfeed my son. I breastfed him for 21 months and although it didn't come without its challenges, I was able to look at my body and feel so in awe of it. Just so grateful to it with a love and appreciation for this more womanly body that I now have. Women are incredible. The fact that our bones move, our pelvis opens and we birth human beings (which men cannot do), it's nothing short of a miracle. And so, I would say before falling pregnant this second time round, I was in a really good place with my body. I loved that I had more curves. I loved all the softer parts but I've definitely experienced both the high and lows and think it takes a lot of mental work and consciousness to really own this new season of your life.
You can't ignore genetics either and genetically I am a half-Asian woman, so I'm very petite. I'm 5ft 3. I think genetics and the fact that I breastfed for so long does play into that. I can only speak from my experience, but I did feel in awe of the fact that my body can grow, birth and feed a human and then essentially evolve again.
EC. I have this conversation with a lot of my postpartum clients. When we chat about their health & fitness goals, they’ll often say they miss the woman they were pre-pregnancy and to that, I always say - “you can absolutely want to look & feel better, there is nothing wrong with that but we’re not going backwards. You'll never be that woman again. You're a unicorn now and it's important to embrace that.”
EP. You've hit the nail on the head. Everyone wants to look and feel their best, right?! There is no shame in that but I think the idea of bounce-back culture is really toxic. When we grow a human being inside of us and we birth that human, why should our body be exactly the same as it was before? If we can view postpartum changes with a more positive perspective then I feel our mental health will be so much better for it.
EC. As a Mum to a little boy (and possibly a little girl in the future), how might you and Matthew approach the topic of self-love and self-acceptance, given they’ll be growing up with the internet/ social media. Is that something you think about?
EP. Matthew and I feel very passionately about conscious parenting. We see a huge responsibility in raising an empathetic, young man. I think the role he plays in society and the role he will play in treating women with respect and kindness is on us.
We are really conscious about language too. When giving Banjo praise, we praise him on how smart he is, rather than how physically strong he is. We're mindful of the words we use. Something I'm proud of is that Banjo has the most incredible male role model in his own father who is emotionally mature & deeply empathetic.
For me, if we can raise him to be a man who can talk about his feelings and can talk about the way he might feel about himself or others around him in a really respectful dialogue, then our job is done. That will be our greatest achievement in life.
Obviously we don't have a little girl yet but I do have nieces and I never ever use negative words around them about my own body. I never reference diets or anything like that because I am so conscious of the pressure that society places on young girls. It is a lot greater than boys, when it comes to appearance.
EC. There are many superficial beliefs surrounding the beauty industry. What is your opinion on this?
EP. I was a lot more conscious of this in my early twenties when starting out in my career. I was very aware that a lot of people see working in the magazine industry as frivolous and there's a veil in that it's fluffy and glossy, which it is, I don't deny that.
My approach to both beauty and fashion has always been about putting your best self out into the world and not necessarily doing that for others. You do that for YOU because when you look good, you feel good. When you’re healthy, when you wear something nice, when you do your hair or put some makeup on, you feel good and I think feel is the key word.
Beyond that, I've seen first-hand the effects that makeup and haircare have on a woman. I'm very proud to be an ambassador for Look Good Feel Better. They're an amazing organisation that runs beauty workshops for cancer patients. These women (there are some men & teens as well), attend these workshops at their local hospital or community clinic. When undergoing cancer treatment, whether it be chemotherapy or radiotherapy, there are physical changes that take place. Women often lose their hair, eyebrows, eyelashes and their skin becomes incredibly dry and sensitised from the radiation. They feel awful, not just because of their diagnosis and everything they're going through but physically, they feel awful.
Having sat in those workshops, I have witnessed the way a woman will walk in, (often very shy & sullen) sit down at the table with a mirror and all these beautiful products donated by the beauty industry here in Australia and watch her transform over the next hour or two during that workshop. To watch her learn how to apply makeup to best suit her current skin concerns, how to pencil on her eyebrows, how to put on a wig correctly … I cannot put into words what that’s like and what a privilege it is to be able to witness that transformation in a woman.
These women - they're connecting over the fact that they’re all sadly undergoing cancer treatment, all fighting similar battles and the magic that is manifested when they suddenly look in the mirror and they've got makeup and a beautifully styled wig on … I just can't put that into words.
For me, it's so much deeper than surface level. It's so much more than being skin deep. At the end of the day, it really is about how you feel. If people want to question that the beauty and fashion industry is vain, than I don't correct them because I know it's so much more than that and I feel really, really honoured to play a role in that by educating an audience around not just Australia, but around the world.
One of my favourite quotes is by American Literalist and Author Gore Vidal. He once said -
Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.
EC. Out of curiosity and having worked with so many aesthetically beautiful people, have you and/ or do you ever experience comparisonitis?
EP. Rarely, to be honest! I have a very strong constitution and a strong sense of self. Sure, I definitely experienced that more so in my teenage years. I grew up in a white Australian part of the Central Coast and there weren't very many biracial young kids. I always felt like I was pigeonholed in this box - she's not Asian enough, she's not Filipino enough but she's not Australian enough either.
I eventually came to love myself and I put that down to a lot of self work, life experience, growing older with maturity and also being surrounded by such an amazingly, supportive partner. We've been together for 14 years and he has been instrumental in building up my own level of self-esteem and self-confidence.
Equal to that, running a business has removed a lot of that comparisonitis. Running a business and leading a team has made me a very strong female and because of that, I just don't care about comparing myself to others. I've arrived at a really nice place where I'm just so grateful for the life I have and all the elements that come with good health.
If I follow someone on Instagram who is a swimsuit model (and I know plenty of them personally through the industry), there's not one part of me that looks at them and thinks, “I want to be them or I want my body to be their body. I just think, gosh, she looks so good but there's not one part of me that thinks, I want to be her”.
It definitely takes work. I wasn’t born confident. I went through all the same things that I think a lot of young teen girls go through. I was bullied for the way I looked and felt a lot of self-consciousness. With time and age though, I became more and more accepting of myself and realised that there's just one of us, so we've got to love them.
“With beauty and makeup, I feel it should be used to enhance the natural features you have, not disguise the ones you have.”
EC. Do you ever feel any pressure to look a certain way given the industry you're in?
EP. I love fashion. I love the art of getting dressed up but no, I don't feel any pressure to look a certain way. If I've got a work event or a special meeting - I love being able to pull something out of my wardrobe that makes me feel good. In this pregnancy though, I've definitely had moments where I feel so uncomfortable in my own body and nothing fits. Anyone who says they haven't cried because of pregnancy is lying.
EC. Has your style changed since becoming a Mum?
EP. Comfort as a Mum becomes a big priority. I'm probably more confident with colour as I get a bit older too. Turning 30 was a real turning point for me. Suddenly, I just didn’t want to wear black, white and denim all the time. If I'm feeling joyful, I want to wear a really fun print. Having said that, I think my style has always kind of erred on the edge of feminine and elegant. I love a mid-length dress but I also love more androgynous pieces like a men's style button-up shirt or a leather pant.
I love playing into how I feel. I decide what clothes and fragrance I'm going to wear each day depending on my mood. If I'm going into a big meeting, I might wear a suit because I want to project the way I feel. Other days, if I've got a lunch with my girlfriends, I might wear a beautiful dress. So yeah, I just dress to how I feel.
There are people like yourself, that have a real knack for putting looks together but I think if you don't know how to do that or if you've experienced a body change and don't know how or what to wear anymore, seeking advice and understanding what works for you and what makes you feel good is always a good starting point.
A lot of women feel overwhelmed in that. My Mum is not a fashionable woman, naturally. She’s just not! So, she’ll often ask what to wear or if she should wear this with that and I'll tell her what I think. It is a learnt skill, exactly like you always say. Anyone can learn.
EC. Tell us, how do you fuel and nourish your body to be able to wear so many hats? What’s the secret?
EP. I feel best when I'm eating my best however (if I'm not pregnant) I wouldn't deprive myself of things like chocolate and wine. Oh and hot chips! I love soul foods just as much as the next person. I will eat these whenever I want & not feel any guilt. For the most part though, I love eating healthy.
Moving my body is key. If I’m busy, I’ll recognise that I haven't done a Pilates class in a couple of months. I'm not consistent all the time and I don't have time to be consistent all the time, so I put things in place to help me manage that. For example, I book Pilates and Yoga and schedule them into my diary like I would a meeting. I try and do that 1 - 2 weeks in advance which creates a level of accountability. When I go into my diary on a Monday morning, I can see that I’m booked in for a Thursday class.
I also outsource what I can. Outsourcing is the greatest thing. I know it's a privilege to do that but there are a few things that have become non-negotiables to give me back some time. One of those is ordering groceries to be delivered. I hate going to the grocery store and I hate going to the shops so I try and order everything online to be delivered. I love supporting businesses like Delish Deliveries and often do Harris Farm orders too. Things like that make life easier. There's a lot of pre-planning.
I’m privileged to pay for a cleaner once a fortnight too. That gives me back a lot of time (that I’d usually spend cleaning the house) that I can then spend with my family instead. The mental impact of a tidy home makes me feel so much better as well.
EC. Do you do meal planning?
EP. That's one thing I'm not great with. I've got a calendar on the fridge but I am not organised enough to do meal planning. In our home, my husband usually cooks. He cooks midweek and I'll do dinners Friday to Sunday. Matthew and I really love cooking. He has more time to cook than I do. He works full-time remotely from home and he's a really good cook. Also, I'm a smart woman so I know to let him do that.
EC. You're a big foodie and I know you're passionate about bringing Banjo up in the same way by exposing him to many different foods. Do you sit with Banjo at the dinner table or do you eat separately so you have that time together as a couple?
EP. We eat with Banjo. We eat dinner at 5.30/ 6pm like every young parent but I love it actually. I feel a lot better eating earlier as opposed to eating at 7:30/ 8pm, getting into bed and just laying there still digesting my food. So, we eat quite early as a family, then I'll put Banjo in the bath, get him ready for bed and he's usually asleep by 7:30pm. After that, I sit with Matthew, we connect and enjoy that time together then.
EC. As a child, did your parents discuss health, beauty and wellbeing with you or was it never really spoken about within your immediate family?
EP. It was never really spoken about, certainly not food and health anyway! Beauty was. Being a Filipino woman, my Mum placed such an emphasis on her skincare routine. She always looked after her skin. Some of my earliest memories are of her with all of her creams spread out on the vanity, moisturising from top to toe.
In Asian culture, skin is reviewed in such a different way than it is here in Australia. They believe in brighter, lighter skin. She always had 10 different products that she’d use every morning and night. I grew up watching her look after her skin health. She cared so much about avoiding sun damage too.
In terms of food and health, that wasn't something that was consciously taught to my sister and I. As I've grown, I've just come to value this a lot more.
EC. You have credited your resilience and business ethic to having experienced first-hand what it feels like to be poor. Do you think it's possible to raise motivated, driven and persistent people whilst simultaneously doing everything as a parent to give your kids the privileged, comfortable life that perhaps you didn't have?
EP. I grew up in a working class family - a single income family who sadly experienced bankruptcy twice. Watching my parents go through financial hardships, surviving on government assistance and being able to financially support them as a working professional myself, has taught me how much I value financial freedom, particularly as a woman.
One thing I really want to give my son and future children is a lesson in financial education. My sister and I weren't taught to save money. My husband and I are on the exact same wavelength that we will teach our children from a young age, to get a casual job and we will make them save and put money away. They need to understand that they do have to work to reach that same level of independence. We don't want our kids to think they are entitled. I think, if we're conscious of that, then I'm sure that will trickle through to them. For me, the greatest thing I could give them is the gift of never having to go through what I went through. Time will tell though, my son's only three at this point, but it's definitely at the forefront of my mind as a parent.