In Conversation With - Olivia Arezzolo, Australia's #1 Sleep Expert.

In Conversation With is a series to discuss the bits often left unsaid - personal and intimate topics such as self-acceptance, relationship with mind & body and the societal pressures + unrealistic standards of life with the internet. Through this series, I hope you feel a little less alone and a whole lot inspired.

Despite being widely known as Australia's #1 Sleep Expert, there is so much more to Olivia Arezzolo than meets the eye. While most interview Olivia about sleep (and for good reason), I want you to meet the woman behind the sleep expert title, because my goodness, does she have an incredible story to share. She's a Sydney babe and mum to fur baby, Jackie the Jack Russell. From us to you, we hope you enjoy this conversation.

EC. Olivia at just 14 years of age, you attempted to take your own life. What was going through your mind at such a young age to experience thoughts like this? This was pre social media, you were a straight A student & did amazing in sport. To the external world, you were seemingly happy …

OA. I was so unhappy. I would have “numb” days where I was so emotionally exhausted that I couldn't feel a thing. This went on for months where I stopped feeling anything & everything because I was in so much emotional pain. It was then that I decided I just couldn't live on this Earth because what was the point if I couldn’t feeling anything?! I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad, I was a blank page.

Prior to that, I don't remember my childhood as being happy. For me, it was awful because I was lonely. My dad, who was my best friend, lived in Melbourne (3hrs away) and would come home for 1 day on the weekend. I needed him to be my support and I needed him more than just 24 hours for 10 years of my life. Missing my Dad was miserable. My parents were in a really difficult situation too. Dad hated being away from us and my mum also struggled raising us kids on her own. My brother bullied me & the kids at school picked on me because I was outspoken and I wasn't afraid to push my opinions at a young age and so school was miserable as well. I just remember thinking - my life sucks, their lives suck and so therefore life sucks.

From about the age of 7, I contemplated suicide wondering when I was going to do it but there was always something on the horizon like a Birthday or Christmas. I’d always find a reason not to do it. It’s not normal to contemplate suicide periodically at 7 years old.

It really escalated from there … when I was in my teens, I was popular at high school, which was fun. I started a new school and had friends which was wonderful but all of a sudden, they started spreading rumours which meant I then had very few friends. I did have a close knit group of friends (maybe 4 of us) but they all moved away too. That was when the bullying got really bad. Year 9 was a difficult time. For any teen - you're trying to find yourself, you're moody and everything just feels bad and chaotic. It got to a point where I was in so much distress that I couldn't imagine life was ever going to get better and so I kept thinking to myself - I think I'm out.

I just didn't want to be in so much pain and suffering. I was already going to counselling and nothing was improving. I was miserable more days than none.

EC. You have a great relationship with your Mum. Do you still have a great relationship with your Dad? Also, what’s things like with your brother now?

OA. There’s often one person in a family that's close to everyone … I’m that person. I'm very close to my Mum & I'm very close to Dad. I'm not close to my brother but that's OK. I love and respect him dearly. We’re just two different people and we don't see eye to eye. We’re chalk and cheese, but I love him.

Being close with my parents is something I’m super grateful for. Our relationships have developed over time and have taken a lot of work and nurturing but I take my hat off to both parents, especially my Mum - she really transformed into the parent I needed her to be and I've shared that with her as well.

The thing is, it didn’t stop at age 14. It went on to bulimia for 2 years and then severe anorexia. I was hospitalised and had to have a lot of family therapy. When you go through family therapy for eating disorders, your parents are required to take a lot of time off work, but my parents didn't have the capacity to do that. My Mum was a retail worker, my Dad was in construction and they were trying to support a family. We didn't have an abundance of wealth. They had to step up and modify their schedules for me to be able to support me. I remember my Mum had to sit with me to eat my meals. She also had to change her dialogue and the way she spoke about food and mental illness. Despite hating change, she was able to transform into such a super woman for me, which I will be forever grateful.

My Dad was less present, but he too went through such a transformation. He comes from Southern Italy. They’re still run by the Mafia and live in villages. It’s not modern and men aren't allowed to show emotion or talk about feelings. When I tried to take my life, some of the conversations we had, I’ll never forget. He tried so hard to understand. He did a lot of growth and I will always remember that too.

I blamed my parents for how I was for a long time. I kept thinking -
Why didn't you take care of me? Why was I bullied so badly? Why wasn't I protected at school?
Why did you let my brother beat me up? Why, why, why? Why didn't you take us on trips away?
Why didn't you encourage me to do purposeful things?

I blamed them and there was so much rage inside me for a long time which I had to move through. So to witness them go above and beyond really helped to heal my love and respect for them and showed me that they did actually love me. They may not have had the capacity and ability to love me in the way that I wanted to be loved but they were willing to change and grow and I'm all for leaving things like that in the past. I don't hold grudges. It serves no one to hold a grudge.

I would have not been able to overcome all of that trauma and all of the illnesses without the support of my family and without them changing in the way that they did. It was such a dark time, though I truly believe that the universe only gives you what you can handle. Even when you think you can't handle it, it's part of your journey and why you're here. It's part of the growth and it's part of the lessons that you need to learn. If it were too much for me to overcome, it wouldn't have been delivered to me.

When I'm going through a challenging time, I like to believe that the universe is helping me step up in that moment. It's showing me what I don't want, so I can work out what I do want. I remind myself that nothing is permanent. Nothing is fixed. Everything changes. When I'm having a hard time, I remind myself that I’ve been through hard times before and I’ll go through hard times again, but it won’t remain the same. When I wake tomorrow, there will be a shift. Even if I cannot feel the shift, there's always a shift. It's objectively just a problem and it'll change because everything in life is always changing.

EC. In mid 2021, after years of being on social media, you made the decision to share your 10 year battle with bulimia and anorexia. Opening up about something like that with family and friends is hard enough, let alone publicly with quite a large audience. What did you fear in that moment and what has the response been like?

OA. The response has been overwhelming love and support which has been so beautiful and no judgment, which was surprising. What held me back for so long was fear that people might question my professionalism and my ability to be a coach and give advice on how to be well. Although sleep is not related to eating, it's still advising people on how to be well.

I feared that if I admitted I was not well, people would believe that if I can’t manage my own life, how can I advise anyone to manage theirs?! That held me back for a long time, but I went overseas, did plant medicine and that was helpful. I did 4 ceremonies of Ayahuasca at a retreat in Costa Rica. Plant medicine does incredibly healing things to you. It’s a field that I'm really passionate about …

I’ve mentioned my early battles and how I did get better for a long time during my early to mid twenties. I was normal, happy, eating well, functioning well, thinking well, all of that good stuff. Then, I got really unwell with severe anorexia. People would stare at me in the street. I would have stared at me too. I was really unwell and I wasn't sharing that I was unwell (although you could obviously tell) but I wasn’t sharing it online because I feared people would judge and doubt my professionalism.

It got to a point where the plant medicine started to work within me and I wanted to be an advocate for its effectiveness. It helped me let go of a lot of fears and become more attuned to my heart which is why I made the decision to share my struggles publicly and share what was working for me to disconnect from the unhealthy beliefs.

Plant medicine was transformational for me. I knew I wasn't functioning well, I knew I wasn't thinking right, I knew that if I continued to think like that, my life would be horrendous but I didn't know how to get out of it and no amount of therapy alone could get me out of that cycle. This is where plant medicine steps in - it scrambles the neuro associations in your brain. It scrambles the fact that you may truly believe that A = B but it then allows you to form new neuro associations/ connections in the brain to start to think differently in a more helpful, healthy way. There's some emerging studies using Psilocybin (Magic Mushrooms) and it's found to be supportive for treating major depression and body dysmorphia disorder which I was definitely suffering from, so that's really exciting.

EC. What strategies have you implemented to start to love, respect and appreciate your body as a woman?

OA. I did have a therapist and I strongly believe that's a fundamental part of any healing. The plants were good, but I also needed someone to talk to a lot. I still have ongoing therapy whenever I feel the need to tap in. I think we all need a support team. Other helpful treatments were Acupuncture which is such an incredible tool. I would go to my therapy session, talk about all of my fears, be upset, in pain and cry a lot. I would then, follow that with energy work on a metaphysical level and Acupuncture is incredible at clearing out blocked energy. That combination was fantastic. Other than that, regularly micro-dosing with Magic Mushrooms or Psilocybin was key for me.

EC. You have dedicated 9 years to study. Do you feel that studying helped your recovery and perhaps gave you a sense of purpose? Did it allow you to focus that same mental energy elsewhere, rather than fixate on your body and your thoughts?

OA. Studying for me is a passion. I'm an introvert and like learning. I like the fact that I'm smart and educated. I’m unsure if it really helped me through recovery though. It was something I saw as necessary to get me to where I wanted to be in my professional life. I knew that I wanted to be an expert in wellness so I needed to study and have those degrees. In saying that, I have been fortunate that despite my emotional & mental challenges, I've remained quite high-functioning and have been able to deliver professionally and show up to help people feel their best inside and out. I’ve always had a deep calling that kept me focussed on my purpose, regardless of internal feelings & thoughts so I would say having a purpose helped tremendously.

EC. You have worked with some hugely reputable brands, including multiple features on TV. What's your experience like with imposter syndrome?

OA. Fortunately, from about the age of 5 (although I had this mental stuff going on), I always envisaged myself on stage with a microphone. That's always been my vision so imposter syndrome hasn't been overly prevalent. In my eyes, I’m meant to be on stage.

Imposter syndrome does come up but more so if I haven’t had many media engagements. I then start to question if I am really an expert in sleep?! That does my head in sometimes but to deal with that, I usually go for a walk, go into nature or have a chat to my Mum (my biggest cheerleader). Being around people helps too because those imposter syndrome thoughts or anxieties arise when you're in your head and stuck at home. Engaging with other people just to ground you, is really helpful.

Question From Previous Guest, Lucy Henry-Hicks - Name the best book you've read in the last 12 months and tell us your key takeaway from that book?

OA. Gabby Bernstein’s, The Universe Has Your Back. It’s a great book!

My key takeaway is that being in flow supersedes all other priorities. There are times when you're not your best self and aren’t showing up as your best self - either personally or professionally, which people can feel. You’re not in flow and I’m very attuned to the fact that I need to be in flow. When I'm not in flow, I need to take a break and go and do something that allows me to be in flow whether that's a long weekend away, going on a retreat for a month or going overseas for a while.

If I just persist and push through, I don’t deliver 100% and I’m not going to deliver 150% which is what I can do when I'm feeling lit up, excited and invigorated. It matters every day that you're not 100%. The people around you feel it, you feel it, your clients feel it and so if you're not feeling 100%, disconnect and get yourself at a 100% however long that takes. Do whatever it takes to get yourself back up there. When you’re at 100%, you will deliver so much better. You'll be more creative and be able to solve complex problems that you couldn't solve before. When you do this, you elevate yourself, your clients and you elevate your reputation, but only when you are a 100%.

This is why being in flow is my highest priority and why, if I'm not in flow, I'm very quick to cancel all plans and fix any imbalances that might be happening. You serve no one being at 50%, not even yourself and that was a really good reminder from Gabby Bernstein's book, The Universe Has Your Back.