WELLBEING - How To Make Friends As An Adult

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Summary - 

Why is it that a child can go up to another child and instantly become friends yet as adults, we find it incredibly difficult? Perhaps you don’t feel that it’s even necessary or important to have friends as you get older? If so, this episode is going to challenge those beliefs because as homosapians, every single part of us is wired to love and to belong and knowing how to make friends as an adult is one of the single best ways to ensure these needs are met. 

Things I Mention - 

  • The importance of belonging to a tribe regardless of its size

  • How to identify if you currently have or belong to a tribe that benefits you

  • Why making friends could be impacting your happiness more than you realise

PLUS, I give you plenty of effective ways to make new friends, increase the size of your tribe and in doing so, dramatically improve your health & happiness. 

Links & Helpful Resources - 

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I don’t know about you but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised how difficult it can be to make friends as an adult. We can blame kids, responsibilities, lack of time, lack of social skills due to social media but really at the end of the day, they’re all just excuses. One of the things I love doing most with my kids is going to a playground - not only because it’s a great way to exhaust them without needing to exhaust myself but it’s incredibly eye-opening, refreshing and reassuring to see how easy it is for them to make friends - age, gender, size, skin colour - none of it matters. If your kid is at a playground on their own and another kid shows up - that kid instantly becomes their BFF - it’s pure magic to witness and the impact this has on our happiness as homosapians is unquestionable. 

Brene Brown said it perfectly - “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irresistible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically and spiritually wired to love, to be loved and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we are meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”

From school friends to those you may have found through new interests and career opportunities, belonging to a “tribe” regardless of its size, has a tremendous effect on our happiness. Tribes can be small (just you and someone else) or large - as long as they light you up with love, support and encouragement as you continue to grow.  

I’m going to ask you a few questions and I want you to answer them as honestly as you can - 

Who do you look to when you are in need of support and strength? 

Do you rely on a few close friends when you’re seeking motivation? 

Are you a part of a group that provides accountability for a specific goal?

Do you have a mentor to guide you through new stages of your life? 

Your answers, likely point directly to a support network made up of the people you rely on - your tribe. 

Through interaction with others, especially those who are like-minded, we allow our thoughts to deepen, our minds open and we activate additional cognitive functions. When we’re surrounded by others, we’re constantly learning from their perspectives & experiences while developing and growing our own identity, which is always evolving. 

The true power of a tribe is that it stimulates our sense of belonging. When we’re around people that make us feel comfortable & authentically ourselves, we feel supported, increasing our confidence and motivation. So in a world where technology and social media can give us a false/ different sense of connection, it’s important to continue to foster new relationships, whether short or long term, where possible.

So how does one go about expanding their tribe when we live in an era of antisocial social media? Well, I think it’s important to remember that tribes exist all around us - they’re usually just a conversation away which is honestly all it takes to get out there and connect with people. I also feel that a big part of the stigma attached to making new friends is that we talk ourselves into thinking that we are the one inviting ourselves into other people's lives which makes us feel almost intruder-like and therefore a burden to other people. In this situation, I find it helpful to flip this mentality and instead of inviting yourself to someone else’s party, think about it as though you are the one doing the inviting. You are the one inviting new people into your life or existing circle because a lot of the time, that’s what people are searching for - a hand to reach out and grab them. So to make new friends, try these ideas - 

  • Broaden your network by joining a class, club or online community. Then actively participate, develop new relationships and investigate the invitations to join new tribes and circles that come your way. 

  • Hang out in places where like-minded individuals gather - online and in real life. Be active; don’t just watch from the sidelines. Make it your mission to start conversations with others each time you visit these places or login online. The biggest problem with social media today is that we’ve all become silent observers and take it from me as someone who spends a lot of time creating content that I hope educates and inspires other people, it becomes a lot less enjoyable when you get nothing back in return. 

  • Inspire your current tribe to branch out by asking them to invite new people to gatherings or catch ups. The more positive energy and fresh perspectives you can circulate, the more inspired everyone will feel. 

  • Put yourself out there by asking others if they’d like to start or join a group. Detach yourself from the outcome; never take rejection personally. There are a million reasons why someone might decline. Their efforts may be focused on other goals or they may already have a tribe that fits their needs right now. If so, wish them well and remind them that they’re always welcome to reach out later if something shifts. I absolutely love the quote “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches”.

  • Finally, be more childlike & playful - let your guard down and have fun. Remember the things that brought you joy as a kid and do those things again as an adult. You may just find a special someone who enjoyed those things too as a kid and you’ll form a ridiculously-close bond over that connection. 

So on that note and if you follow me on social media - do us both a favour and come and say hello. There’s nothing I love more than making new friends. Always be the bigger person.

Elisha CasagrandeFEEL BE LOOK, Brisbane Health Coach, Womens Confidence, Self Care, Brene Brown, Homosapians, Friendship, Making Friends, Adult Friendship, Tribe